beautiful princess disorder

a ramble about the romanticization of BPD

firstly, i want to say merry christmas to those who celebrate and happy holidays. this christmas felt strange, like something was missing. i hope your christmas was all that you dreamed of. if not, i am sending hugs and love your way. thank you for reading <3

lately, i’ve been seeing an influx of people beginning to glorify personality disorders. while most are stigmatized to this day, borderline personality disorder sticks out to me. i want to say that i support self-diagnosis, especially in a time are medical professionals are apprehensive about diagnosing patients with BPD due to its extreme stigma. let’s be honest, there’s a negative connotation when it comes to BPD. there’s significant overlap with the other personality disorders (ie. NPD and APD).

wanted to highlight how interwoven each personality disorder are, but also i would like to highlight the significant differences and specific symptoms that are mutually exclusive to each disorder

one film in particular has inspired me, and that is Prozac Nation. In short, the film details a young woman coming of age, while simultaneously dealing with the trauma of the loss (not death) of her father and her mental illness. I liked how they showed the consequences of someone who deals with BPD, someone who shuts down and dissociates amid perceived threat. Lizzie was left with virtually no one in her life she felt understood her. But how can we understand this complex illness? one brought on by childhood trauma so deep, that some of us cannot even remember the events of said trauma.

i’m a proponent of self-diagnosis, and I want to make it clear that I am not excusing blaming bad behaviors on illnesses, however, what if that was the case? What if Lizzie sucked her best friend’s boyfriend’s dick at a party as a direct result of feeling unsafe within her world? Can this behavior be excused? In my opinion, no. These abhorrent behaviors cannot be explained and packaged neatly in a box for your comfort. Maybe Lizzie is a bad person. Maybe Lizzie is a product of her environment. Maybe everything is true and we can’t fully rationalize what she does comfortably. Then this makes me think about comfortability. People want to feel comfortable when discussing mental illness, but our symptoms can be loud, abrasive, and most of all uncomfortable. Can we excuse such things because someone has a mental illness? In my opinion, the answer is no. Bad behavior should not be excused because someone was abused. However, “bad” behavior can be explained by mental illness. This however does not grant the victim immunity from what they have done. It’s important to take accountability for one’s actions and from that be a better person. But what if said person can’t seem to be a better person no matter what they’ve tried?

in short, mental illness is ugly, not some pretty packaged film that has a beginning and end. BPD is not like Prozac Nation. Sometimes our illnesses are chronic, all-consuming. It’s not something that can just be saved by a fluoxetine pill. I think it’s all deeper than us. Deeper than a quick fix. So, no, this illness is not beautiful.